Unrequited Case

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Everything just stopped. I’m nothing to you after all these years. I tried to ignore it. I kept telling myself to hold it but I just can’t. It feels like a suckerpunch every single time, and I never see it coming. Which makes the friendships that do hold out, the ones that make it through countless breakdowns and breakthroughs and changes and years, so damn important. I was the only one who did it. You’re the one who bring it down again and again.

I don’t want to talk about the things that happened, because that’s just that, it already happened. We can’t change it, we can’t fix it, it’s done, and it’s over. We can’t triumph over this. I cannot even begin to fathom how you can possibly justify… anything… that you’re currently doing or saying or thinking. I’m sorry that I can’t do anything right. I’m sorry that everything I touch lately seems to turn to shit. I’m sorry that I keep making these little mistakes that end up being a big deal. But mostly I’m sorry that I just don’t know how to fix this between us.

I’m turning into this hugely emotional mess over these mistakes I didn’t even know I was making and I’m tired. I don’t know how to stop my opposing-midas touch and I’m oh so tired of being this apparent screw up. It’s hard to admit the fact that you are gone and you’re not coming back. You got a new best friend. I’m just another your old friend. Popularity is everything to you. As you know, I’m just your old friend aka ex friend. We had our ups and downs, but this is the worse its ever gotten. Now, I would give everything I have to erase you from my mind, but I cannot. I like to think I’m stronger because of it, but I don’t know if that’s true. If anything, perhaps I’m just more heartless.

It’s been over a month now, and I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about everything. You’re no longer a part of my life, and that fact does indeed break my heart. I wouldn’t ever tell you that though. Not that I even have the option of being able to tell you anything, but even if I did, I would never.

I learned to put a smile on this face, and deal. Yes. Deal. I deal like a pro, I don’t need a stigma on my ass or back or my arms to tell anyone I am still here. I learned the grimace to make everyone think, hey hi. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I’m just so…tired all the time

Right now, I’m living in my darkest fear. My head hurts. I can’t stop the ringin in my ear. It feels like I’m crying blood instead of tears. All I feel is the pain. I’m dead inside. Dear, you there. It’s been a great 3 years, but it’s time to say goodbye. I never thought it would end like this. I think I have grown a bit as a person. I’m ok, I guess. I don’t care about your new friends, or your popularity. You’ll always be my bestfriend even I’m just an ex-friend to you.

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